I am still alive (in case some of you were wondering).

I found my old journal. It’s about 5 years old. I started it after we got married and boy oh boy did I fill it with juicy stuff! I suddenly remembered the times when I first found out my husband has cheated on me on numerous occasions. I even have an actual receipt of one of the dinners he spent on while on his holiday with a ‘fling’ in a 5-star resort and a PHOTO OF THEM TOGETHER pasted in that journal.

I also wrote down series of messages he sent to his mistress (the one in the video I talked about in my first entry) saying she made him really happy and that she was the only one who made him feel that way.

I have to be honest. It still hurts. I mean, who can ever go through those times and feel nothing at all.

Also, the husband has been voicing out his concerns that I have, somehow, become cold and less affectionate. Like really?!

He had the nerve to tell me that when he himself is not appreciative of what I do. He never compliments me. He gets fired up and acts crazy mad when something he expects is not done properly or how he likes it to be done. When we have arguments at home he turns it into something personal.

Like the other day, I went to have my hair cut and colored. When I was done, all the people in the salon were telling my hairstylist that she did a great job and that I looked beautiful. When he saw me, he said, “You look the same. I thought you were going to change the style a bit. You spent a lot of money on that?!”. LOL

Married life is sooooo hard especially if your spouse is an old stinking fart.


Adultery and Its Collaborators

This is worth reading….


arrowsWe all know that it is our spouses , and ONLY our spouses who are to blame for the adultery.

I personally cannot remember blaming anyone else; ever.  We blame them, and quite rightly so, for individually betraying our trust and throwing us to the dogs of non-considered consequences.  We hold them responsible for their bad choices and our subsequent misery and heartache. The journey to marital recovery after adultery allows for intimate investigation and analysis of the betraying spouse and guilt and shame are the everyday passengers.  I know I have spent years living with what my husband did to me and his idiotic selfish behaviour that prevented him from keeping his ridiculous dick in his pants.  Adultery is not a pretty picture. Ever! But, the balm offered by his genuine remorse along with significant behavioural changes over time helps oil the cogs of the healing progress.  This doesn’t mean…

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What a discovery…

Sorry for being MIA for the past months. Life happened and I needed to catch up.

My daughter has been my greatest support since last July when I found and saw the contents of the hard drive.

My husband (yup he still is) has been behaving well for the last five months. I can feel his sincerity that he wants to make things right between us, and believe it or not, no communication with the mistress. He actually told her that he is ending whatever they had and that he would appreciate it if she would never call, text or speak to him again. And since both of them work in the same area, he said it would be best if they just avoid each other.

A few weeks after my husband told her this, she went on a short holiday and while she was there, I found out, through our common friends, that she and her ex-husband are getting back together!

What a vicious cycle. Her ex-husband cheated on her, she had numerous relationships with married men and they decided to patch things up like nothing toxic has ever happened.

Well…………………. Can’t think of anything else to say except:

  1. Thank the heavens for removing her from my husband’s life and

We can now finally work things out PROPERLY. Our family has spent eight months trying to forget what has happened. This is probably our new beginning.

If you are wondering about the hard drive, I still have it. Hidden somewhere my husband would never suspect.   🙂


My husband and his mistress are still in communication. 

I feel like killing someone (but of course, I won’t).

I confronted the mistress through Whatsapp but guess what, she read my messages and then blocked me.

Seriously, what is wrong with people nowadays? No sense of self-respect and decency. People like my husband and the mistress do not deserve happiness. 


The Day Has Come..

My husband and I are in a better place now. His whole family supported me (even his Dad and older brother) and gave him what for. A few weeks after my last post, he came around and asked for forgiveness. I didn’t give in… In fact, I gave him a hard time. Not because I wanted to, but because of how I truly felt at that time. I was so confused (still am now!)

Anyway, fast forward to today. We are ‘OKAY’. We’ve started getting back on track. I still can’t and probably won’t forget those videos. And I know, every time I’d think of them (like now) I would feel angry and hurt. But, I know I have to give this relationship one last try. Even our parents told us that. This is our last chance. This is HIS last chance.

Going back to the reason of this post…. I SAW THE MISTRESS EARLIER TODAY! I was waiting for my husband outside his area and she came out the door, smiling while typing something on her mobile phone, dragging her feet while walking. When she saw me, she started walking really fast. I wanted to punch her in the face. Seriously!

I’ve never seen her up close. She looks like a beast.

I found out she has a ‘special someone’ now but is not posting his picture on any of her social media accounts (Yes. I created dummy accounts so that I could monitor her). My guess is, she is with another married man —- AND I HOPE THAT MAN IS NOT MY DAMN HUSBAND!

Stuck and dying to get out

I have been MIA for the past week because I felt like ‘living the day as it goes by’.

I started to talk to my husband but no matter how hard I tried to communicate properly, I just could not do it. I cannot even look at him without having negative thoughts. Maybe it is a good thing.. Maybe I am desensitising already. Who knows, right?

A few hours ago, my husband left for work because he received an emergency call about one of our hospital’s brain suites. He was such in a hurry that he left his personal phone. I tried my very best not to take a peek, but intuition told me to look. I discovered that his brother knows something about his affairs. His friend was telling him that they were talking about it during one of their boys night out sessions. It maybe said as a joke (do most men say these types of joke??) but it hurt.

I know hate is such a strong word but that is how I feel. I hate my husband for doing this to me. I hate my brother-in-law for tolerating his younger brother’s affairs and for even bragging about it (My brother-in-law also had his fair share of affairs, btw) and I hate my father-in-law for not being a good example to his sons (He has a second family while still living with my mother-in-law, and had numerous affairs in between and is still continuing to have affairs with other women at his age of 65).

You see, it is a familial thing… And I am not sure if I can keep up with them and their screwed up morals and values.

I am stuck in this place and I am dying to get out, move on and forget about all of them…

But I can’t at the moment. The consequences are hard.

I need a backup plan.